Films/DVD Asylum

Posted by TAFKA Steve (A) on September 28, 2004 at 08:12:35

In Reply to: You're vote for the best "Worst Movie of All Time" posted by danj on September 27, 2004 at 22:33:02:

Just saw this one last month. How bad is it?

1. Cornman, the hero, has the ability to communicate with corn.

2. Hero's sidekick, Butter Boy, sweats butter.

3. Hero is played by two completely different actors switched in the middle of the film.

4. Hero's girlfriend, Sheila, is played by four different actresses.

5. Hero assisted by the Psychic Nose, a man who can smell farts before they are emitted.

6. Villain is Dr. Hoe, has a gardening hoe instead of a right hand.

7. Dr. Hoe wants to dominate all the corn in the world.

8. Dr. Hoe's assistants are Starchy (redneck), Waxy (British dyke with killer thighs), and Huckleberry Bob (regenerates his head after decapitations).

9. Dr. Hoe's ultimate weapon is Cornsparagus, a hulk-like green creature hybrid of corn and asparagus.

10. Dr. Hoe, having neither the time or patience to set up the plot for us, bribes Uncle Schlomo to "break the fourth wall" and explain it all, including the origins of Cornman and Butter Boy.

11. Don't let Butter Boy use your toilet; you'll be sorry!

12. Has a rippin', punk rock theme song and music video at closing credits.

13. I could list reason #13, but that would be unlucky.

Convinced yet?