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Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies
1. Large, loft style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people -- whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
16. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. (It used to be an English accent for the German.)
17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
20. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
27. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
How about these:You can light a fuse or cause anything to explode by shooting it with a bullet.
Anybody can instantly knock anyone out with one punch,.
James Bond can save the world by reprograming a laser satellite in space by using a .5 inch users manual that just happens to be sitting on top a PC just seconds before it is timed to fire.
will always insist on walking home alone...even thought it's midnight and she must pass through a cemetary where three murders have occured in the past week.
1. During a car chase, the pursuee's car is always missing the inside rear view mirror. Pursuee turns his head around to see pursuer, and pursuee crashes....2. The make and model of cars involved in car chases always change whenever they fly over a cliff.
3. explosions can be heard in outer space.
4. I mentioned this before, movie "trailers" always preceed the movie presentation.
That reminds me. Astrological phenoms create lots of noise in space.
that run off the road will always explode within 3 seconds.
and if you run into enough objects, the dents will disappear.
1) Car tires squeal on sand/gravel.2) ( Star Trek 4 ) You can enter warp speed inside the earth's atmosphere w/o endangering the planet.
3) Scientist & engineers are celibate atheists, while Christians are uneducated fornicators.
4) To ensure catching someone you're pursuing run slower.
5) Star ships can travel 1,000,000 light years in a week @ warp 8.
6) Republicans secretly worship Satan between Church attendabces.
7) Industries covertly colaboratre on how best to destroy the planet.
8) Reporters are the only people who never have an agenda.
9) Minorities are either ignorant & boring, or criminals.
10) Young male cops become widowers before a shoot out.
11) ( 5th Element ) Bombs are only successfully diffused with 5 seconds left to explode, have an auxillary bomb that have a 5 second lead time.
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1. Any six-shot revolver can be made to fire at least twenty times before the reloads. Any 30-round submachine gun can be fired for at least twenty minutes in continuous full-auto.2. A person hit with any bullet will be thrown fifty feet in the air and through two doors before landing on the roof of car.
3. You can keep firing your weapons inside the 747 at 30000 feet all day long with no danger of structural damage or depressurization (how stupid a silly wire short in a video system brought down that Austrian MD-11).
4. A vilain will tell his life story for 30 minutes before deciding to pull the trigger.
The one with bomd fuse wire is one of my favorite.
Still curious why all that distaste for Hollywood?
Do you have a reference for that MD-11 crash. I missed that little morsel.
Two more:1) Villians can't hit anything even with a full auto machine gun.
2) Heros are accurate at 200 yards with a pistol on a galloping horse.
On #1, case in point: Arnie Swartnegger taking the heavily fortified
island singlehandedly in "Commando"; BTW, he did get wounded during the
scene, possibly a grenade fragment, but of course, nothing so debilitating
as to stop him from achieving his objective. - AH
...played by Gregory Peck and get shot in the back. But of course, they don't make movies like THAT any more. Why? No fun watching real life drama. Teenagers (both young and grown up) don't appreciate complications.
Also played by John Wayne, although he was dying of cancer (in the movie) rather than tired.
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Speaking of rehabilitating gunfighters, I thought "Unforgiven" was pretty good (for a western) in the realism department. The scene where Eastwood hauls out the shotgun 'cause he can't hit the can with his pistol was pretty funny.Tom §.
don't you love it? After riding a horse across Nevada or Texas with nothing but a cotton shirt and a vest, you get to a town and the first thing you want is a "cold beer". So the Bartender does what? Goes to his SubZero refrigerator and pulls out a Bud Lite? And another thing...all that dam whiskey they drink....sheesh!Hey, I'm off the topic again, but just say "The Man who shot Liberty Vallace" again on American Movie Classics. That film is so full of actors we know I spent most of the time trying to place them.
But what I wanted to say...I was reading a history of the West, and the author was telling about a gunfight between Wyatt Earp and one of his deputys. Aparently they were in the saloon drinking all day, and got into an arguement and pulled on each other. They each had a pair of 45's, and emptyed them all from a distance of just a few feet (the saloons aren't really as big as they seem in the movies). Nobody was hit! So they went back to drinking. Now either they were much better shots than we give them credit for, or holding on to a 45 is much harder than it looks.
What I found interesting was the "Regulators", marksmen who were hired to kill the bad guys by ambush from very long range with precision rifles. My pal Marlon Brando played one in a film I can't remember. If I recall, he was a bit "dainty" in this one.
This was the film that was used in my narrative films class as an example of a western. I just knew that Jimmy Stewart couldn't hit the side of a barn from 10 feet. Maybe he was using one of those 45's. (I know that is a spoiler for the movie but it's your own damn fault for reading this post).In most westerns, is it a cliche to have the "tough guy" build his own house out in the middle of nowhere? When I watched "Unforgiven" I noticed this similarity between Hackman's character and Wayne's character in both movies. Seems that John Wayne was a better carpenter though.
Tom §.
now you've got me thinking Tom, if I've ever seen a western where the characters live in town. The only one I can think of is Warren Beatty's...oh,,,what is it...???? You know, the one with the whores and he's not much of a businessman or anything else? Some mining town in the Sierras...geesss. I can't remember anything. I think I'll put the kids to bed and go out and buy a DVD player.Loved the steak scenes in "Liberty Vallance". Did you see the size of those steaks?! and beans. Loved Andy Divine as the sheriff. "How 'bout another one of those steaks? you can skip the beans...!" And that John Wayne was a good drunk too--just like a high school kid.
Since we're on about westerns, have you seen "Nevada Smith", with Steve McQueen and ...the cop from the San Fransisco series with what's his name...you know..."don't leave home without it? What's wrong with my brain...Carl Maulden!
"Yer yella! Ya haven't got the guts! Yer yella...YELLAAAAAA!"
All these western guys come from troubled times. You never hear about a nice man from a happy family who goes west and settles down with a wife and kids on a nice farm...oh wait...Little house on the Prairie!
finding data in my brain is as hard as finding it on my hard drive...I know it's there somewhere, but I forgot the filename.
28. You can outrun a fireball from an explosion.29. Gravity inside space ships works and it is always 1 G.
30. Phone traces take at least 30 seconds to work (caller ID would be impossible if this were true).
Being in that biz, I always enjoy the computer stuff. Amazing how floppy disks work in ANY system. Mine won't even read the ones I make on it half the time!
I just love how fast the internet works in movies. Cripes man, my hard drive isn't even that fast.
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