Films/DVD Asylum

Posted by petew (i) on September 02, 2000 at 19:23:12:

rented this the other day and saw it in two parts over two days, because I fell asleep watching it (hint, hint)

Now don't be fooled. This film starts out great. The problem is, it doesn't end after the first few minuites. If all it was as good as the first few minuites, and the frogs...wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

well...first let me say I did not like "Boogie Nights", with the exception of that one guy...you know, the guy who had his wife kidnaped in "Fargo"? Yea, I like him, and I like the guy from Laugh in. They were great. I don't like Tom Cruz (Is he Mexican?) either, though he was pretty good in "Rainman", in the scenes when he was with Dustman Hofman, only off-camera and he didn't have lines. Imagine my disappointment when he didn't drown pinned under the Porsche in "Risky Business" or auger-in at the very beginning of "Top Gum", or snap his head off by launching his body from that motorcycle after hitting a Buick backing out of a driveway, or get beaten to death by the drill sargent in "An Officer and a Genital"...oh wait...hell, all those talentless Hollwood leading men look alike to me. You can take Harrison Ford too. I held hope that one of the Navy pilots would bugger him in the shower, leaving him with a lingering, untreatable SE Asian VD, but the writers showed a lack of creativity, or an unfamiliarity with career Navy men. Does every film have to have an unhappy ending in Holywood? (the audience always knows what to expect, and are never disappointed by clever writing or decent acting -- not to mention a surprise ending or interesting plots).

For those who haven't seen them (Boogernites and Mongolia), they use the same cast in both films, playing the same characters, doing the same things. Both films are pretty awful (that's not fair, they are not "prety" awful, they are just plain bad), except you know "Boogie Nights" is going to be awful because Burt Rentolds is in it.

The buzz I heard was that "Magnolia" was something to see, but like "American Booty", it is just another sick Hollywood movie about sick Hollywood people, who don't seem to get out much, or realize there are real people in the world with real lives, who don't have guns and dope and screw everything they see and stay up all night driving around looking for drugs, guns, and something to screw, and are actully disgusted by Hollywood.

By comparison, "Showgirls" is an excellent movie. You know exactly what you are going to get, and it doesn't disappoint you. It's refreshing to see a movie that advertises itself to have not one hint of socially redeeming value, and lives up to it. I rank it right up there with "Cherry 2000". No, wait. "Cherry 2000" is a classic. One of the all-time best in the category of "no socially-redeaming value" films. Showgirls isn't quite up to that standard.

Trouble is, I loved the frogs (in Magnolia). I loved the frogs and I loved Henry Gibson. I loved the frogs, Henry Gibson, and the guy who sold Chevys in Brainard. I know how they did Henry Gibson, but somebody tell me how they did the frogs... Star Wars was nothing--even I could do the Star Wars special effects. Tell me how they got it to rain frogs, and get away with it--make it look real--super real. Surreal. It was Biblical.

Now that was worth the whole film, and I definitely want to buy that on DVD.

Jason Robards was great in that film too, playing the dead guy. He did such a good job dying that he actually did die at the end of the film, and they just rolled tape on it. He was one of the very best. Loved everything he did. Loved him in "Once Upon A Time in the West" -- which would be the best western ever made if they could just get rid of that stupid music. If you have to hear the music then I strongly don't recommend it. Is there any way to get it without the soundtrack? I don't know. Can you delete the music on the DVD?

Italians shouldn't be allowed to put music in films. Neither should Frenchmen. Now the Japanese, they can do music fine. And the Brits, they aren't so bad either. But the French and Italians, haven't a clue about matching the music with the scene. What is wrong with those people? Don't they have HT?

But you're getting me off the subject. I rented that one...Erin Gobrachavich? what's it? The one with the popular ugly woman with the big mouth and small talent? Well, she's still awful, still plays herself (a woman with a big mouth who will do anything to be in the movies), but there's a few scenes with Albert Finney, and I'll watch a lot of crap to see just a few moments of him. He was great in "Under the Volcano", another film I will buy on DVD, to watch over and over (now that's a woman!).

So I'm giving my recomendation to "Magnolia", not because of the writing, the acting, the casting, the music, the cinamatography, or any of that crap. I recommend it because of the frogs. You must see this film.

By the way. Why Magnolia? Why not "SPLAT!" I think that title sums up the film nicely. There should have been more deaths. Everyone should have died, especially Thom Cruz. One of those cars should have hit the gas pumps, don't you agree? and burned Hollywood to the ground. Now that would have been a great film! Cut it down to about 25 minuites, and call it "SPLAT". I'd have the opening part and the closing part, the bar scene with Henry Gibson and the Chevy salesman from ND, Jason Robards as the dead guy, but I'd put in his dead guy scene from "Once Upon a Time In The West" instead of the scene in this movie..., the frogs, and a big, Biblical inferno encompasing the entire West Coast film/TV industry, with OJ, and Heraldo, and Robertson and Falwell--all those TV people. Maybe have Tom Cruz being hit by a train, in slo-mo, would be a nice smirk-removing moment for audience comic relief. You could cut that in with the inferno scene.

Biblical, i tell you, Biblical. Would anyone like to see my version?