How to save Kolya

Films/DVD Asylum

Movies from comedy to drama to your favorite Hollyweird Star.

Kolya is a good film from good people, people thinking more about important things in life than about the revenue.
Being the former member of the Soviet block, they are excused. Hell, the film is even immensely enjoyable. OK, it is somewhat predictable, but it has enough good humor and just what I love - HUMAN faces (as opposed to idiots), to more than justify its existance.
But of course it never enjoyed wide popularity here, and as well it should not. It has no football. No underdog winning at the end. And perhaps most important - it has no US-written film music!!!!! It seems like all Hollywood soundtracks are written by the same soulless machine, and if there is another thing as objectionable as the Hollywood syrup, it is its music.
So Kolya was doomed from the start. I am sure it produced pitiful revenue here.
But all is not lost for it yet. I think with must few minor touches it can be made a commercial success.
First - rename the film. "Kevin" is much easier to remember, and when people don't remember, they ain't go.
Second - there MUST be an obligatory "Based on True Story" at the beginning. That alone is guaranteed to boost the crowds to something like 20% or record-breaking.
Third - the subs must go. It is completely unimportant what the characters will be saying - as long as they say it in a familiar language, and just a notch above the PG-13 level.
And last - the audience should not be left hanging uneasily at the end... and we all know how to do it. No need to waste the film reshooting the ending, though. All we need to do is to add the text at the end. Something incredibly stupid, but soothing, like: "Fifteen years later Kolya, a graduate of the Frunze High Military Academy, commanded his tank regiment on the second wave of invasion", "Kolya's mother married a Saudi millionaire and is now enjoying worry-free life in Paris", "Louka died at the age of 58 of complications to gonorrhea. He was burried with his chello. No one came to his funeral"
Of course if we could add short segment of aging Kolya, now Kevin, dragging his feet baboon-style towards the Louka's grave, fifty members of his family following at safe distance, no one is going to complain and accuse us of plagiarism. But that is strickly optional.
I can assure you that these will create new life for an otherwise promising early effort.

This post is made possible by the generous support of people like you and our sponsors:

Schiit Audio

Topic - How to save Kolya - Victor Khomenko 05:13:05 04/29/02 (5)

Re: How to save Kolya - Dmitry 21:49:01 04/29/02 (1)

Re: How to save Kolya - Victor Khomenko 04:26:46 04/30/02 (0)

Re: When do we start... - Patrick UITZ 06:58:51 04/29/02 (2)

Speaking of Checkov... - Victor Khomenko 07:35:26 04/29/02 (1)

Re: Speaking of Checkov... - patrickU 07:46:50 04/29/02 (0)

You can not post to an archived thread.