Very amusing review of Cradle 2 the Grave

Films/DVD Asylum

Movies from comedy to drama to your favorite Hollyweird Star.

Duncan Shepherd, San Diego Reader
Yo. Cradle 2 the Grave serves up another indigestible mix of martial arts and hip-hop, the special niche that cinematographer-turned-director Andrzej Bartkowiak has carved out 4 himself. (In exactly what way, except of course 4 money and power, is it better 2 be the director of Romeo Must Die and Exit Wounds than 2 be the photographer of The Verdict, Terms of Endearment, Prizzi's Honor, Guilty As Sin, Thirteen Days, etc.?) This 1 brings 2gether Jet Li and DMX -- 2 stars, 8 letters, a space-saver on any marquee -- as a "kung-fu James Bond" from Taiwan and a high-tech jewel thief from the Hood, respectively, who join forces 2 recover a twice-stolen sack of black diamonds and the latter's kidnapped 8-year-old daughter. The plot in 1 line: "I want the stones. You want your daughter. We can help each other." Or still pithier: East meets West, Twinkle Toes meets Mean Streets. Sort of a Rush Hour with a scowl.
2 be sure, the diamonds are not just stones, but are transmutable in2 weapons-grade plutonium: "In the world of weaponry, nukes rule." (The 007 analogy turns out 2 be all 2 true.) 4 most of the way, Jet Li takes a back seat 2 DMX, a Gary Payton look-alike with a nonprofessional lisp, a necklace, an earring, and a tat2 or 3. We must sit tight awhile longer 4 a movie al2gether worthy of Jet Li's deadly deadpan. The big action scene, achieving bigness by simple addition as well as inflation, cross-cuts between Jet (as I like 2 call him 4 short) in a 1-against-many, hand-2-hand free-4-all with the contestants in an illicit Tough Man com- petition, and D (or DM) in a simultaneous high-speed chase on an all- terrain vehicle, very much off-road and up staircases, down hallways, across rooftops, in mid-air, and at least 2 times through pl8-glass windows in slow-motion. 2 much, man, 2 fucking much. Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson, as in Exit Wounds, supply comic relief, or anyway they relieve 1 kind of inanity with another kind of inanity, including a "self-reflexive" rap throughout the closing credits in which they 4see the 4going action being made in2 a movie 2 be directed by "that Polack" who made Exit Wounds. Just 2 much. And think of it: if D (or DM) can make good on his vow 2 get his shit 2gether, it could pave the way 2 a sequel, Cradle 2 the Grave 2. The songtrack, needless 2 add, will remind no 1 of Cole Porter: "Go 2 sleep, bitch! Die muthuhfuckah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" I'm not totally down with it, Homes. I'm more like down on it and about it and possibly under it

This post is made possible by the generous support of people like you and our sponsors:

McShane Design

Topic - Very amusing review of Cradle 2 the Grave - clarkjohnsen 12:58:32 03/06/03 (1)

A movie designed by action fans for action fans. - TAFKA Steve 16:25:19 03/06/03 (0)

You can not post to an archived thread.