You too can be a wannabe movie critic, here's how - Yo Mama - Films/DVD Asylum

Films/DVD Asylum

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You too can be a wannabe movie critic, here's how

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HOW TO BECOME A WANNABE ONLINE MOVIE CRITIC:
1. Upgrade your basic cable service to include HBO, Showtime, Starz etc.
2. Watch pan and scanned videos on your tv, pretend you're seeing a film in a theater. Award yourself 10 extra points if your cable service compresses the audio dymanic range and rolls off the frequency extremes and/or the video signal breaks up into a digital mosaic every few minutes.
3. Post what a piece of crap/kaka/cacarella you saw. Award yourself 100 extra points if you only watch a few minutes of the movie and judge it to be crap; award yourself 10,000 extra points if you only watch one-half hour of part two of the LOTRs and say it's crap.
4. Try to form an alliance with other like-minded online wannabe's in order to validate your viewpoint. It helps if you can find persons who enjoyed the original version of "Solaris" and/or have had a frontal lobotomy.
5. If for some reason you miss a movie on cable (for example, your parole was revoked or you overdosed on crack cocaine) simply go to the IMDB site, cut and paste a copyrighted review and pretend that you agree with the author's views.
If all of the above is too complicated to follow, simply remember the three basic rules of wannabe movie reviewing:
A. If any particular movie has digital FX then it's crap
B. If any particular movie has won any academy awards then it's crap
C. If any particular movie was made in Hollywood then it's crap
Good luck in your wannable-reviewing efforts.

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The Cable Cooker

Topic - You too can be a wannabe movie critic, here's how - Yo Mama 10:53:51 02/08/04 (9)

you forgot E....... - Ruben 18:42:13 02/08/04 (0)

You forgot 'D'... - Chris Garrett 15:49:17 02/08/04 (0)

ROTFLOL!!! (Virtual high five from your's truly); Yo Mama, you'se da bomb, babe! (nt) - Audiophilander 14:47:58 02/08/04 (0)

Re: Your halves truths are just perverted lies. nt - patrickU 12:13:39 02/08/04 (4)

Patrick, I hope you deployed counter-measures because it looks like Yo Mama's heat-seeker locked on! (nt) - Audiophilander 22:36:28 02/08/04 (3)

Re: Patrick, I hope you deployed counter-measures because it looks like Yo Mama's heat-seeker locked on! (nt) - patrickU 05:58:18 02/09/04 (2)

LOL! Oh, I see, Victor IS one of your counter-measures. - Audiophilander 10:23:34 02/09/04 (1)

Re: LOL! Oh, I see, Victor IS one of your counter-measures. - patrickU 10:34:09 02/09/04 (0)

LOL...Now that is funny!.... - TWB 11:17:53 02/08/04 (0)

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