Review: DVDs for Nimrods, Part 1

Films/DVD Asylum

Movies from comedy to drama to your favorite Hollyweird Star.

As an answer to the challenge that the Film Asylum has become too snobby, culturally elitist, and anti-Hollywood, I will be reviewing and recommending DVDs that are so dim-witted, they make Nicole Richie sound like Marie Curie.
DVDs for Nimrods (and I don’t mean “Nimrod” in the Biblical sense): Part 1.
Kung Faux Vol. 1. Tommy Boy Records takes two cheesy kung fu movies, edits them to speed up the action, redubs them with hip-hop pimp dialog, and adds video game effects, resulting in funny, cheesy kung fu shorts. Some of the highlights in “Ill Master” include the old blind master singing his theme song, and bad guy Tiger’s Jamaican accent. In “Box Cutta”, Rosie Perez, dubbing the female voice, demands the defeated villain pay tribute with Gucci leather and a Prada bag. The language may be a problem in mixed company (I played this at my family’s reunion Thanksgiving and haven’t been invited to return this year). Also, you get a Swedish hip-hop video between the two episodes. Rating: 2 pork cracklin’s.
Yeah, Right! A Girl Skateboard Company Movie. Directors Spike Jonze, Ty Evans, and Cory Weincheque present a documentary on street skateboarders. Highlights include an invisible skateboard sequence (green skateboards were removed from footage in post-production), an invisible ramp sequence (no video tricks, just incredible jumpers), slo-mo ground level footage, and a segment with Owen Wilson claiming to show him doing aerial work off a handrail (I think the camera is misdirected to exchange a stunt double). And when things go wrong, boy do these guys pay for it in physical damage! Three criticisms: too darn long, too repetitive, and no girl skateboarders. Rating: 2 pork cracklin’s.
KWOON. “Bad Acting, Good Kung Fu” is the company motto for the KWOON short films. Five kung fu enthusiasts from San Jose, CA, wanted to make goofy kung fu films, and this resulted in a popular website and three episodes on this DVD: “Death Versus Kung Fu Car Wash”, “Collection Agency”, and “Mummy Dearest.” Think of kung fu versions of Three Stooges shorts and you’ve got the general idea. My favorite is “Death Versus Kung Fu Car Wash”, tightly-paced and with excellent action featuring World San Shou Champion Cung Le as the Grim Reaper. Hung Gar specialist Onassis Parangao choreographs the fights to have an authentic look and use as little editing between blows as possible. Producer/Director/Writer/Bottlewasher Todd (“Bloody Nipples”) Roy doesn’t take himself too seriously, he just wants people to have fun, and this shows in the extensive extras on the DVD. For more info on KWOON, the website is www.kwoon.com. Rating: 3 pork cracklin’s.
Kaiju Big Battel. This hybrid of American professional wrestling and Japanese anime and Power Rangers/monster movies is one of the damndest things I’ve ever seen. The American freaks at www.kaiju.com have done their homework in spoofing bizarre elements of Japanese culture. You get to see wrestling bouts featuring people dressed up in huge urethane foam costumes as a can of soup (“Kung Fu Chicken Noodle”), a sandwich (“Club Sandwich”), a baked potato (“Silver Potato”), and even a pile of lint (“Dusto Bunny”). Add the inane commentary of Loudon Obnoxious, Referee Jingi, and DynoKang Jr., plots and aliances straight from the WWE or soap operas (spacebug “Mung Wun” gives birth to a love child during a match whose father is one of the opposing monsters), goofy commercials, and a Japanese pop song for Silver Potato, and you end up with my top pick in the first Nimrod survey: 4 pork cracklin’s.
In Part 2: Okie Noodlin’ and a few more surprises.

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Topic - Review: DVDs for Nimrods, Part 1 - TAFKA Steve 15:40:15 03/22/04 (0)

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