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In Reply to: War of the Worlds------- posted by patrickU on June 29, 2005 at 07:37:38:
Patrick,Again: WARNING: Do not read the last three paragrphs or you'll learn the ending!
Tom Cruise plays Bob Dolby, 41, a man with a small trucking business in suburban Hopewell, New Jersey. He's a defrocked priest- thrown out of the Church because of his advanced views on Thetans invading your body and making you go all negative.
These teachings were just too radical for the local Episcopalians- plus, everyone began to notice that "Father Bob" was trying just that bit too hard showing off his heterosexual interest in female persons.
It isn't too long before the Rev's wife, "Fluffy LaCoin", remarkably well portrayed in a delightful drag cameo appearance by Kenneth Branaugh. The Reverend Bob met Fluffy while on a package deal 2 day and 37 night tour of famous Roamantic French organs - and the congregation discover the good Rev. is not staying after choir practice just to discuss the intonation of Gregorian Chant, but is, in fact, running an after-school programme of opium smoking for tenors and altos.
As the Story opens, The now ex-Reverend Bob arrives "home", a rather soggy Sears and Roebuck establishment near the big Wal Mart in downtown Hopewell, New Jersey. Bob is tired from loading boxes of scab remover and dent enhancer, and argues with his boss, Ben Smock, ably played by Nigel Hawthorne, and who we know right away will get his comeuppance when the nerds revolt later on at the slumber party.
As soon as Bob arrives home, and he sees his boss, "Ben Smock" (Uma Thurman) slipping out the back window, Bob's wife pulls a gun on him. The gun, Victor, was a really nice black nickel Beretta, and Fluffy (Branaugh) really knows what she's doing!
Just as Fluffy is about to waste Bob- and everyone in an American audience knows with a Bereatta she'll have to empty the clip on Cruise, the television programme "Tahitian Trauma Center" is interrrupted by a loud FLASH! WOW!> Special Report on Fox News, "Bill Clinton Invited Invaders from Mars!"
It seems the Earth has been encircled by hovering spaceraft and the Pentagon automatically assumes that anyone with superior technology will automatically use that power to dominate the inferior force.
However, it seems they have come for peaceful purposes. And amazingly, the person they want to talk to to is Reverend Bob- the aliens have read his book, "Five Ways to Make Peace through Pasta" and have landed near Hopewell.
They (claim) ghey have to be here because of WMDs but they are more interested really in introducing peace and democracy to the entire World, with unlimited cheap energy, good roads, schools, support of the arts, and free health care. There will be no need for the public to own weapons as peace and harmony in a World economy will make it nice for everyone!
But Bob knows better. He meets with the aliens and gives them a free personality test. The results are not pleasant, these aliens are loaded with T-negative Thetans, their E-meter with "Q" readings well below normal. Plus- no one in the whole alien "ORG" was wearing a naval uniform or even close to being Clear.
But, Bob is willing to give peace a chance and tells the US forces to stand down- for a whole three days. Behind the scenes though a huge counter-invasion force is attracting people form all over and huge number os Canadians with shotguns and barells of fertilizer are heading south. Bands of roving Mexican car upholsterers and Cuban carburettor makers converge on New Jersey with alien murder on their minds.
Meanwhile, Bob meets again with "Goddard", the head Alien or "Grand Exalted Poofdork" as the aliens call him/it. Everyone is too nervous to tell the aliens that there leader's name is difficult to pronounce. The head alien is well played., I was left with a palpable sense that I had actually seen a real alien for the first time ever in a movie. Micheal Jackson really shone in this part and I think this will be better rememebred than his other hot current role as Willie Wonka in the famous chocolate factory. Actually that is Johnny Depp on acid playing Michael Jackson playing an alien. Believe me- it works and the sequel will be great!
But, when shaking hands with Goddard, Bob, who- suddenly sneezes all over him/it. Yuo know , I belittle Cruise for his acting, simian mentality, and slimy personality, but he can really pull off a great big drippy sneeze when he needs to!
Anyway, the inevitable happens and Goddard , who has no defenses aginst the common cold, dies in thirty minutes.
The aliens take this as hostile action and for the next 2 hours they murder all 6 Billion people on Earth- except Cruise- who they plan to use as a sectret weapon and drop from a great height on their enemies back home.
I enjoyed the extensive product placement***, the special effects are really nice and loud and I hope to pick up and enjoy the "War of the World" home game- and soon. And actually, Scientology has a whole lot more going for it than I thought this morning! I can't get some of it out of my head- especially that unforgettable miltaristic Scientology anthem that is playing under the entire battle scenes. All the talk of the gay thing being a distraction are true- that theme doesn't really spoil the overall effect.
*** now everyone will want a blue 1999 Buick LeSabre with Pepsi Free cans on the dash board- just like Cruise drives.
Next week, I happened to have a draft of the sequel, "War of the World's II : Kevin's Magic Boat"
_________________
We;ll, that's how I saw it.
Cheers,
Bambi B
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Follow Ups
- The entire story! WARNING! Do not read the last three paragraphs! - Bambi B 21:42:45 06/29/05 (2)
- Re: Of course, I did, but you knew that! - patrickU 10:03:51 06/30/05 (0)
- Choice! nt. - JDK 00:07:58 06/30/05 (0)
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