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The Bambi B "I hope never to see again" annual Awards..

66.74.72.231

Posted by Bambi B on November 29, 2004 at 16:31:37

Mates,

Time for my yearly general movie rant of themes, characters, directors that I never want to see again. Not in any particular order.

Detectives: So many detectives reluctantly brought out of retirement because of special skills or relationship to the criminal. they always had a bad experience that we see in flashback.

Detectives who are "rebels" that are always on suspension, yet so effective they are given wide berth. The captain always has to hand their badge and gun.

Thieves: People reluctantly brought out of retirement because of special skills or relationship to the criminal or to pay an old debt. Sick to death of all these mythological 'reluctant' criminals. But, to be fair, I did like "Sexy Beast" recently, but this genre has been done to death.

Glamourous thieves: Criminals as "Heroes" RE: "Ocean's Eleven", "The Italian Job". Good looking, well-dressed people that only steal from less sympathetic characters are a disgusting presence. A thief is a thief, whether it's a loaf of bread or Enron's pension. We are even made to want the thieves to succeed. The message is that success money and in America, pursuit of money is respectable no matter what the means. Remeber the outcry when "Bonny and Clyde" were thought to be shown too sympathetically- yet in the end they recieve a couple hundred bullets each- that was sympathetic in 1967! In "The Italian Job" one guy gets an Aston Martin, the other the girl, another a Naim! stereo, another a villa in Spain for their crimes.

"Enemy Quotient" I really hate movies that use the flavour of the month for the enemy. Remember all the Russian Cold War supidities, then it was China, Libya, Colombian drug cartels, renegade ex-USSR officers. Just because Clancy decides who the movie goers should be hating does not make interesting movies.

Big Bad Business Men: I'm really tired of just every CEO, buyer, lawyer, PR person being conspiratorial, stealing inventions, and casually murderous. Although there are plenty of nasties in the business world, I think there could be occasionally be a positive role for business types!

Changing bodies and Identities: Aren't there enough damn movies where a person is switched into another body or dresses as the opposite sex to get on a team or hide, or get the girl, or learn an important lesson on what the other person goes through? "Switch" "Freaky Friday" (there are three versions- 77,95,03- of this one!), "Sorority Boys", "Jawanna Mann", "The Hot Chick", etc.

Amnesia: I wish I could completely forget amnesia. Amnesia is actually supposed to be extremely rare but form Hollywood, you's think there were thousands of people that are serarching for their first name and why they own so many automatic weapons. I also don't believe that people are completely coherent and functional except they don't remember they are indestructible, highly trained secret agents. "The Bourne Identity" was as stupid as could be. To be fair, "memnto" was fresh, intelligent, and inventive but that one was unique.

James Bond: This guy deserves a permanent rest from all that intense adolescent innuendo and product placement.

Comic book heroes: All been done and it's very fatiguing if you didn't grow up with all the varieties of mutuants. And can't someone come up with a better scenario than exposure to radioactivity to make superheroes/monsters? This was old stuff in 1955!

TV series: There is a reason for series and making a movie that tries to encaspulate the series is really dull typically: "Mission Impossible", "Beverly Hillbillies:, "Addams Family" was way above average, but keep that of the little screen on the little screen- scale matters!

Anything directed by Chris Columbus, the most annoying commercial "director" ever.

Overexposed: There are so many people that we can't escape from. These are three or four year cycles- remember Ryder, Ricci, Hopkins a few years ago, now it's Witherspoon, Crowe, and Jolie. These are not necessarily bad actors or boring movies, but it's tiring to see the same person doing just everything.

Kevin Costner, Tom Cruise. Enough said!

Space epics with a parasite theme: The original Scott "Alien" was just fine- all others merely repeats.

Remakes/sequels: Remakes and sequels seem to take whatever was remembered in the original and this gets expanded. I liked very much "The Day of the Jackal" and althought "The Jackal" with Bruce Willis was quite well done, knowing the original meant I could follow th ecreenwriters making a bigger scene out of something that people remember. In "Day" Fox kills the talkative, won;t return the originals passport forger with a quick chop and he gets stuffed in t a trunk. In "Jackal" Willis kills the fellow that makes the weapon platform- but first blows his arm off with a 20mm depleted uramium shell and the passport forger (young London woman) gets rewarded In "Day of" Fox kills the forger and praises the weapon maker. These are different but the scenes in "Jackal" were completely derivative and consciously reversed. The story of the detective was extended to make a personal vendetta between Gerre and Willis central. In the real world IRA terrorist Gere would never have been let loose with guns directing the FBI around. Especially hated the remake of "Diabolique" which was such a refined original- French Hitchcock (sorry Patrick!).

Harry Potter: Smug middle class English children aspiring to the upper class elite featuring point and click magic powers and a new kind of racism against "mixed blood" or "muggles" as "inferior" classes. All the magic is perfunctory and expected- and all the problems happen in-house- no suprises, just nice middle classs people tha we know will triumph without more than a scratch. I find this series impossible to take, I hope the books are not so arrogant and stupidly done. Children used to have stronger BS detectors.

Star Wars: Maybe the final James Bond epsiode could be Star Wars episode 3! "Miss Moneypenny, did you have your tenacles polished?" The last one of the puppets standing around in rooms discussing politics then a few CG battle scenes has about 1% of the fun and energy of the first one (E4)- cardboard sets notwithstanding.

There is hope, but mainstream Hollywood should be taking far more time off to look for interesting new stories than popping out the same safe, dull box office proven bunkum again and again.

Oh well, I feel a little better. Thanks mates!

Cheers,

Bambi B

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