It was close to midnight, and they had LOTR on cable.So I decided to watch a bit more of it.
It started with a battle scene, where some animal-looking "people" riding wild boars-like "horses" attacked what appeared to be "good guys".
Well, kaka. To think that forty some years ago Bondarchuk filmed the cavalry melee that looked so much more interesting than this... with the meager technology of that period, but with brain and eye.
Yeah, I know, I know, this was supposed to be a fantasy. Big deal. Fantasy is not about looking like dreck, it is about something else... my mama told me.
Then there were those big walking trees. OK, I say, not too awful for some five year olds.
As apparently a big battle was brewing, I stuck around, as I am a sucker for that sort of stuff.
There was some menacing beauty in the huge animal army on the march... with its long pikes, but... he-he... it was just too reminiscent of Alexander Nevsky, sorry. But as I said, there was something there, so I shall give the credit where it is due.
But the battle was a disaster. I liked the walk-in friends appearance, the apparent hermaphrodites force with long bows... sorry, boys, I am not familiar with the proper lingo required for this film, and frankly, don't give a shit. But that scene had something going, at least. Brief, it was, and substantially underutilized later on... parhaps the director was not even aware of what he has created there, else he would not had squandered that pitifylly small capital.
The battle scene was simply too silly. I wish the movie creators had at least some familiarity with the fortification warfare - there are books, you know. While they kinda got some aspects close to right, I kept wondering what happened to the old defender's mainstay weapons of boulders and burning oil and tar? It seems a few pots of that stuff would had taken care of the battering ram crew in no time at all, and without all the fancy jumps and idoots trying to hold the door against the ram... funny it was, like a bug arguing with a windshield. Guess who won.
Next time stack on some oil, you idiots.
Needless to say, it was boring. Effects were attrocious. Action dumb. Then out of nowhere a white guy appeared. He looked to me just as the guy who sent the animal force (pardon my cursory famiiarity with those deep characters), so I started wondering why would he suddenly switch sides, and now fight his own army... I suppose he just looked like one, but was a completely different guy... well, two nearly identically looking white haired guys is just too much for this movie goer. Overload.
Anyway, it was all over shortly, and I kept wondering where my copy of Waterloo was, as afer all that dreck one needs a good doze of fresh air, so to speak... something that makes some sense, something that doesn't stink.
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Topic - Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Victor Khomenko 10:27:00 06/27/05 (101)
- "Fantasy is not about looking like dreck." Yes it is! nt - clarkjohnsen 09:11:18 06/28/05 (1)
- Are you suggesting that those head shots you had taken for the Senior's Singles Classifieds really worked?!?! (nt) - Audiophilander 09:40:31 06/28/05 (0)
- God help you! Next you'll - tinear 06:28:22 06/28/05 (9)
- That is right... Patrick's refusal to grow up and mature has been most upsetting! - Victor Khomenko 07:27:46 06/28/05 (7)
- Re: That is right... Patrick's refusal to grow up and mature has been most upsetting! - patrickU 09:41:27 06/28/05 (6)
- You boys need to beat it, ... - Audiophilander 10:20:59 06/28/05 (5)
- Re: I wonder what kind of problems you have with your own sexuality? - patrickU 10:55:12 06/28/05 (4)
- None; watching you two cavorting around here is like a cross between... - Audiophilander 12:36:44 06/28/05 (0)
- Simple... he can't tolerate happy people... of either sex - Victor Khomenko 11:07:39 06/28/05 (2)
- "...happy people..." - Wow, what a phony euphemism for you, patrick & one or two other sycophants! (nt) - Audiophilander 11:48:43 06/29/05 (0)
- Re: Simple... he can't tolerate happy people... of either sex - patrickU 11:12:27 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: Not only the US public..... - patrickU 07:01:47 06/28/05 (0)
- Jesus, Jackson and Tolkien fans are as bad as Beatles fans. - Donald 01:25:18 06/28/05 (0)
- Instead of a cockatoo (patrick & Victor), we get kakafour (PdL & Donald as an added bonus) - Audiophilander 17:04:09 06/27/05 (17)
- Re: Insulting the intelligence... - patrickU 01:10:00 06/28/05 (5)
- "What more can be said?" - Not much, considering Victor's seminal cheap shots & your willingness to lap them up. (nt) - Audiophilander 09:47:00 06/28/05 (0)
- "What more can be said?" Just that it's altogether typical of a certain mind-set. nt - clarkjohnsen 09:22:22 06/28/05 (3)
- Just like insipid reviews from those who are clueless about LoTR is typical of a certain mind-set! - Audiophilander 10:06:18 06/28/05 (2)
- Re: He-he.... LoTR is a film where you have to understand anything? - patrickU 10:58:13 06/28/05 (1)
- "If so... I did not....." - Not surprising, but apparently you neither understood nor 'had fun with it.' - Audiophilander 12:11:53 06/28/05 (0)
- Does taking no truck with inept art and its apologists make one a troll? -nt- - Donald 01:06:49 06/28/05 (1)
- Re: Inept high tech. May be more appropriated. nt - patrickU 01:12:54 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: Instead of a cockatoo (patrick & Victor), we get kakafour (PdL & Donald as an added bonus) - RGA 17:49:42 06/27/05 (8)
- You make a very good point, & under normal circumstances I'd agree, but some of Victor's remarks go well beyond LoTR. - Audiophilander 21:46:05 06/27/05 (7)
- Two founding members of the Cry Baby club thus spoke. - Victor Khomenko 11:08:58 06/28/05 (6)
- "...Cry Baby club..." - I wonder if you can grasp the unintentional irony here? - Audiophilander 12:06:27 06/28/05 (5)
- Re: "...Cry Baby club..." - I wonder if you can grasp the unintentional irony here? - RGA 17:49:56 06/28/05 (4)
- "You give him what sustains him." - Naw, patrick does that; I'm just trying to keep him honest. - Audiophilander 22:37:32 06/28/05 (3)
- Re: "You give him what sustains him." - Naw, patrick does that; I'm just trying to keep him honest. - Victor Khomenko 06:24:24 06/29/05 (2)
- Re: "You give him what sustains him." - Naw, patrick does that; I'm just trying to keep him honest. - RGA 23:33:02 06/29/05 (0)
- "The hysterical immature tantrums you throw..." - Wow! Now that's what I call hypocrisy on top of irony!!! - Audiophilander 10:30:48 06/29/05 (0)
- Good for you Victor! - PdL 15:03:55 06/27/05 (7)
- Re: Good for you Victor! - Victor Khomenko 15:10:38 06/27/05 (6)
- LOL! It wouldn't surprise me if the closest you had ever been to "genuine leather" was instructing Elsie... - Audiophilander 23:10:11 06/27/05 (5)
- Re: Intelligent cinephiles who have a sincere appreciation of LOTR.... - patrickU 01:16:56 06/28/05 (4)
- "Now dear boy, you got a real problem..... " - Trolls who have their heads up each other's... - Audiophilander 11:31:43 06/28/05 (3)
- Re: Kindergarten is closed. nt - patrickU 11:46:37 06/28/05 (2)
- He's a nasty little bugger. I bet he too wants some paella. - Victor Khomenko 14:55:22 06/28/05 (0)
- At least until this topic comes up again, and you & Victor use the Film Asylum as your personal sand box again. (nt) - Audiophilander 12:17:29 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: My son! It is a hard trial for me but " domibus vobiscum..." - patrickU 11:14:17 06/27/05 (2)
- Re: My son! It is a hard trial for me but " domibus vobiscum..." - Victor Khomenko 11:20:44 06/27/05 (1)
- Re: My son! It is a hard trial for me but " domibus vobiscum..." - patrickU 11:36:18 06/27/05 (0)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Analog Scott 10:52:40 06/27/05 (58)
- Re: But I did!!!!! - patrickU 11:17:11 06/27/05 (0)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Victor Khomenko 11:15:21 06/27/05 (56)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Analog Scott 11:30:03 06/27/05 (55)
- I don't get your analogy - Bulkington 12:55:27 06/27/05 (28)
- "LoTR is inept filmmaking and story-telling through-and-through." Oh, YES! nt - clarkjohnsen 09:13:04 06/28/05 (4)
- You are both wrong, but at least Bulkington is original; if you were any more of a YES man... - Audiophilander 10:16:04 06/28/05 (3)
- Re: You are both wrong, but at least Bulkington is original; if you were any more of a YES man... - Analog Scott 10:44:00 06/28/05 (2)
- "You can't join Yes and hate LotRs" - Bulkington 10:50:11 06/28/05 (1)
- You might be. ;-) nt - Analog Scott 14:27:10 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - Analog Scott 16:02:58 06/27/05 (8)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - Bulkington 07:18:42 06/28/05 (7)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - Analog Scott 11:25:48 06/28/05 (3)
- " I see nothing more substantial than the drival you have posted on this thread" - Bulkington 15:21:46 06/28/05 (0)
- Perhaps it made some sense to you when you wrote it... - Victor Khomenko 11:28:22 06/28/05 (1)
- Sorry. nt - Analog Scott 16:51:39 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - jamesgarvin 09:03:24 06/28/05 (2)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - Victor Khomenko 11:26:05 06/28/05 (1)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - jamesgarvin 13:09:20 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - jamesgarvin 15:26:41 06/27/05 (12)
- Re: I don't get your analogy - Bulkington 07:38:10 06/28/05 (0)
- You live by your analogy, and you die by it - Victor Khomenko 16:20:32 06/27/05 (10)
- Jeeesus, Victor...Shrek?!?!? n/t - PCL 11:00:18 06/28/05 (8)
- Shocking... heh? - Victor Khomenko 14:17:41 06/28/05 (7)
- "Patrick might tell you I also love Clueless..." - I think that you love BEING clueless! (nt) - Audiophilander 16:08:34 06/28/05 (6)
- Re: How profound and cute of you! nt - patrickU 05:06:28 06/29/05 (5)
- It would be even more profound if your nom-de-plume were "Clueless," but I doubt that you'd find that as cute. (nt) - Audiophilander 10:35:46 06/29/05 (4)
- Re: Well you are some kind of slow.... - patrickU 11:27:06 06/29/05 (3)
- Re: Well you are some kind of slow.... - patrickU 12:05:51 06/29/05 (1)
- Only to anger. - Audiophilander 13:37:45 06/29/05 (0)
- Archivists. (nt) - Audiophilander 11:50:58 06/29/05 (0)
- Re: You live by your analogy, and you die by it - jamesgarvin 08:26:05 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: Yes this matter had been more than largely discussed. - patrickU 13:09:05 06/27/05 (0)
- "It means that to a large extent we get out from a movie or music or any other art depends highly on what we bring..." - Donald 12:08:36 06/27/05 (18)
- Re: "It means that to a large extent we get out from a movie or music or any other art depends highly on what we bring.. - Analog Scott 12:30:46 06/27/05 (17)
- The books are for unintelligent children and sub-moronic adults. - Donald 13:00:18 06/27/05 (2)
- Sad, but true. nt - clarkjohnsen 09:26:39 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: The books are for unintelligent children and sub-moronic adults. - Analog Scott 16:05:41 06/27/05 (0)
- "Yeah JRR Tolkien was an idiot and you are a genius." - Bulkington 12:58:24 06/27/05 (13)
- Re: "Yeah JRR Tolkien was an idiot and you are a genius." - Analog Scott 16:09:39 06/27/05 (12)
- Re: "Yeah JRR Tolkien was an idiot and you are a genius." - Bulkington 07:51:34 06/28/05 (11)
- Re: "Yeah JRR Tolkien was an idiot and you are a genius." - Analog Scott 09:31:55 06/28/05 (10)
- Aids for Scott - Bulkington 10:47:19 06/28/05 (7)
- Re: Aids for Scott - Analog Scott 11:52:01 06/29/05 (4)
- Wha, wha, whaaaaaaaaa. - Bulkington 14:00:02 06/29/05 (2)
- This is a step up for you so far. Keep trying. nt - Analog Scott 15:58:16 06/29/05 (1)
- Re: This is a step up for you so far. Keep trying. nt - Bulkington 09:15:43 06/30/05 (0)
- That was actually Patrick... - PCL 12:32:25 06/29/05 (0)
- Did a search.. - PCL 11:03:33 06/28/05 (1)
- Thanks!-nt - Bulkington 14:20:56 06/28/05 (0)
- Re: "Yeah JRR Tolkien was an idiot and you are a genius." - Bulkington 10:26:37 06/28/05 (1)
- Re: "Yeah JRR Tolkien was an idiot and you are a genius." - Analog Scott 18:23:02 06/28/05 (1)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Victor Khomenko 12:00:13 06/27/05 (2)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Analog Scott 12:47:11 06/27/05 (1)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Victor Khomenko 14:09:31 06/27/05 (0)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - patrickU 11:39:24 06/27/05 (3)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Analog Scott 11:59:48 06/27/05 (2)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - patrickU 12:54:50 06/27/05 (1)
- Re: Forgive me Patrick, for I've sinned! - Analog Scott 16:27:12 06/27/05 (0)